Habitual Habits

Children need to be taught obedience, not sinfulness—the latter develops on its own.

Often times, frustrated parents feel pulled in 1.5 million different directions on a daily basis. Between kids tears, ringing phones, career obligations and household chores, parents can be left with little time for patient discipline and consequently a household of disobedient, ornery kids.

The employment of a few structured changes may go far to order a home, which may result in the relief of parental pressure and stress. Here are a few tips to help overwhelmed parents decompress.

· Write down house rules. Literally take a marker and piece of cardboard, and pen the rules of the house onto the board. This list may begin as extensive and decrease over time or the other way around. If a parent starts with general rules they have the freedom (and should inform the children) that more rules can and will be added as the need arises.

· By each rule should be the coordinating consequence. For children too young to read alone, make a point to explain (on their level of understanding) what each rule is and its consequence. Older children should be informed as well (possible cause of "family meeting"), but they are also able to read and ask questions on their own. Whether you post these on a wall or not, you as the parent, will have them to remind yourself and your children accordingly.

· The punishment should fit the crime. You and/or you and your spouse need to sit down and decide what consequence fits what rule. A minor rule break (whatever that may be in your house) should be followed by a reprimand of the same degree.

· The child is responsible for his/her actions. Make a point to not take blame from a child who breaks a rule and as a result reaps the consequence enforced by you. Be assertive and gentle to show the child he/she is responsible for his/her choices. Use phrases such as, “It’s too bad you decided to disobey…” Such actions will go far to help a child understand they have the power to do right and wrong--and said result are not the random angry outbursts of parent. Be careful to keep from an attitude and voice that may condescend or treat the child as one who is unable to change. We all possess the ability to improve and be taught. Encourage your child in such a way.

· When a child breaks the rules—the parent should not follow suit! The last thing a child needs is a wishy-washy example. Just as we adults dislike weak leaders and blubbery bosses, so children desire in their heart of hearts a soft and strong authority figure in their every day lives. Follow-through with the consequences when a rule has been broken. The hope is after a time of strictly following such a structure, the child will respect the rules and be sufficiently deterred by the punishment and thus be more obedient in the long run.

· As a child grows and changes so should the house rules. A time-out may be out-grown by your once 3-4 year old, and a more appropriate disciplinary action need take its place. Possibly the loss of time with friends, restriction of computer/video games, the revocation of special toys (Legos, etc.), may prove to be a method fit for the crime and the age of the child. Even physical labor, especially for young men, like digging out a tree stump after school everyday for a week, may serve the purpose.

· Give rewards along with consequences. The rules can also contain an incentive program for when a child has shown notable improvement in an area of previous discord. A suitable reward can and should be granted

Parenting is a wonderful privilege and should be taken seriously. Do not leave the primary upbringing of your children in the hands of others—you’ll be sorely disappointed. Empower yourself to take charge of your family and home. Your children will thank you in the long run.

*This post is the result of a discussion with my dear sister. None of us have all the answers, but when the Lord bestows wise advice from those who have done their time, it is prudent to heed and share with others.