A New Course

Pride. It's been around for, well, ever. Like a slimy serpent, which slithers into our lives as quietly as an anaconda glides through the murky Amazon water toward its prey, so the sin of pride, which brought about the fall of Satan and so many after him (all to his doing) is cause for much difficulty in our lives.

The Pharisees were accused by Jesus of being white-washed tombs--proper, pretty and clean on the outside, but only bones, cobwebs and death--on the inside.

Pride.

Satan specifically tempted Christ to edge to the crevice of selfish sinful pride by offering the Lord rule over the all the kingdoms of the earth, daring him to toss his fleshly body from the precipice, and enticing him to turn rocks into bread. In all three instances Jesus failed not to put the devil in his place--by quoting the infallible word of God. Notice, even the devil, who believes in God and shudders, did not--COULD not--dispute Christ when he directly quoted the Bible. What power it contains. Power of which we have no clue. The likes of which we cannot fathom or comprehend, yet...it is all at our fingertips.

Pride.

The journey of adoption in my life has brought itself to a sad state. Pride led me to spout to my friends and family that we will adopt--I just knew we would--afterall God had laid it on my heart, my husband had changed his thoughts to a more positive perspective (through prayer), and lost two babies by 12 week miscarriage all because of the fall. My pride, or was it faith, led me to pray, "Lord, if we are meant to adopt and not give birth, please don't allow me to conceive." Do not put the Lord God to the test. He did allow it, but both times, the babe was lost. My selfishness kept on trying. I lacked sufficient faith to not try in the first place. Or was it pride? The fall? Just the way it is?

Now we play monthly russian roulette. We quit using contraceptives because, by all accounts, I have not been able to conceive. God has closed my womb. Like Sarah, Rachel, and so many other women of Bible history--I am barren.

But not barren in spirit.

God has assured me that, yes, I do and have made mistakes. Sure, some of those may have led to certain things occurring, but He is mine and I am His--forever and ever, Amen. My spirit is overwhelmed at what is to come. His presence is few and far, but when we come together the sparks fly and I am filled with His love and spirit. Until those moments arrive, I am left to trust--my faith grows like the roots of a plant in a sparse land reaches deep for life-giving water, so my spirit has found His grace sufficient.

Pride.
Sin.
Humility.
Forgiveness.

Thanks to Jesus, I have all four. If I had not the first two, I would not need the final two. With the full acknowledgement of my mistakes, my shortcomings, my sins, I lay prostrate before the cross, thankful for all He is and all that He has given. Nothing, is what I am, without the death and resurrection of my Savior, Jesus, who gave all because of love.

I will adopt. I have adopted. I am adopted. I choose to trust that my heart for those who have no one is not in vain, not by accident. "Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening." I look forward to where God will lead me (and my husband, for I am one with him) in this multi-faceted word: adoption

Thank you, Lord. Amen.